Titus 2:4-5 – Biblical Womanhood

Preached on May 11, 2008, by Eric Schumacher.

Topics: Biblical Manhood And Womanhood Mothers Day

© Eric M Schumacher – Preached Mother’s Day, May 11, 2008 - Northbrook Baptist Church, Cedar Rapids, Iowa

Audio will be made available here.

I was sitting in a hospital waiting room a few months ago, where I came across a copy of Forbes magazine, which contained their 2007 list of the “100 Most Powerful Women.”

As I thumbed through that magazine, reading the summary of what made each woman “powerful,” I read about many women who were presidents, chairmen and CEO’s of large companies and many who held political offices.

None of these women, however, was noted for being a wife or a mother. Several of them likely were—but they were not noted as “powerful” or “influential” for that reason.

None of them was commended for possessing the qualities listed by Paul in Titus 2—their reverence, their love for their husbands and children, purity, working at home, kindness and submission.

The world’s picture of what makes a woman significant is much different than the picture painted by Scripture. Even though there is a “Mother’s Day,” our world does not truly honor womanhood or motherhood. And, if we are not careful as a church and as Christians, our minds will slowly be conformed to this world and not, as Paul writes in Romans 12:2, “transformed by the renewal of your mind” so that we may test by the Word of God to see what God approves of.

God is the one who created women, wives and mothers. And, therefore, he is the one who gets to define what they ought to be. And, therefore, his opinion is the one that ought to matter to us—even if it offends and confuses the world.

Train the Young Women

We are looking this morning at Titus 2:3-5. These verses call for the older Christian women to instruct the younger Christian women in how to live.

These verses are instructions for all Christian women, about Christian womanhood. We discuss them on Mother’s Day because biblical motherhood cannot be divorced from biblical womanhood. You cannot be a biblical mother without being a biblical woman.

Notice something from these verses: Being a biblical mother, wife, and woman is not a matter of evolutionary instinct. It requires biblical teaching and training. It is not something that you grow up “just knowing.” It is something that you are trained in by those who have gone before you. If this training is not provided, then it is likely we will fail to be what God calls us to be.

The Church

This responsibility here falls first on the church. These instructions are part of Paul’s letter to a man named Titus. Titus has been left in Crete by Paul to “put what remained into order,” as Paul writes in Titus 1:5. Several new churches have been formed in the towns on the island of Crete. Titus’ task is to “put them in order,” beginning in chapter one with appointing elders in each town’s church.

In chapter two, Titus’ next task, as an elder, is teaching sound doctrine that calls the older men and the older women to live godly lives. They, in turn, are called to “teach what is good and so train the young women...” Mature, godly women are called on to teach and train the younger women to embrace biblical womanhood.

Notice that this begins with teaching in the church. Christian instruction does not begin with what you ought to do, but with what you ought to believe. Nevertheless, sound doctrine will always move into what our lives should look like. The Gospel trains us in how to live. A mind full of the gospel should result in a life that displays the gospel. And so, the church that does not value instruction in sound doctrine will not value sound living.

The training will come by way of spiritual mentoring. In our verses, the older women are to be intentionally encouraging, advising, and urging the younger women by setting an example in word and in deed of what it means to be a biblical woman. It will mean an older Christian woman investing herself in the life of younger Christian women with the intentional purpose of helping them to apply sound doctrine to their lives as women.

Before we move any further, let me ask you:

· As a mature Christian woman, are you intentionally teaching and training the younger women in what it means not only to be a Christian, but to be a Christian woman, wife and mother?

· As a younger Christian woman, are you intentionally seeking out teaching and training from a mature Christian woman in what it means not only to be Christian, but to be a Christian woman, wife and mother?

Biblical mothers and women are called…

Paul lists 6 things that Christian women are called to; they are…

1) …to Love Their Husbands and Children

Have you ever considered that it requires training and teaching to love your family—not just “instinct.” We assume that love just comes naturally and easy. If “loving” your husband and children were a matter of mere instinct, then Paul’s command for the older women to “train” the younger women to “love their husbands and children” would be senseless. It is something that is taught and worked at.

This love is something that goes beyond the realm of duty. Certainly, the laundry, the dishes, the dusting, the vacuuming, the playing taxi with the minivan, and the cooking are all included in love. But, we would be sadly mistaken if we concluded that was the sum-total of love.

The model for love in any relationship that we are called to is the love that God has for us in Jesus Christ. God’s love for us is seen in him working on our behalf—sending his Son to die on the cross for our sins, raising him for the dead, pouring his Spirit into our hearts and drawing us to himself. God’s love for us is seen in what he does for us—but it is not limited to that.

God’s love in action flows from the affections of his heart. Our Father God is a God of tender compassion, mercy, and grace. He is a God who works for the good of his people—a people over whom he sings and rejoices. Listen to this description of God’s affections for his people:

Zephaniah 3:17 The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.

The love of God that he shows to us in redemption through Jesus Christ is not the love of duty, but the love of delight.

Biblical love is not duty separated from the affections of the heart. That is not to say that we should not behave as we ought even if our affections are lacking. We should do what is right, and pray for the affections to come.

We should realize, however, that duty without any affections at all is not honoring; it is offensive. John Piper uses this classic illustration, which can hardly be improved upon. Imagine that your doorbell rings and you open the door to find your husband holding two dozen roses. He says, with a smile, “Dear, go put on your best dress. I’ve arranged a sitter, and I’m taking you to your favorite restaurant this evening.” You respond, “Oh, honey! Why did you!?” And he replies, “It’s my duty. Don’t worry about me being self-serving. I take no joy in being with you. I’m doing this because I’m supposed to.” Did he honor you? No! Absolutely not! His actions for you, void of any affections for you, are an insult to you.

Take two: Your husband replies to your question, “I did this because nothing makes me happier than spending time with you.” You do not respond, “You selfish pig! You want to spend time with me because ‘nothing would make you happier’!” No! His joy in you honors you.

God has never been pleased with people who go through outward forms of worship while their hearts are far from him. It does not honor him. And such duty, devoid of any affection, is not honoring to your husbands and children.

Mothers and wives, the love of God is the model of the love that you should have for your husbands and children. Does your heart rejoice and sing over the family that God has given you to love? Do your husband and children know of this affection?

If not, you should be driven back to the Scriptures to search out the sinfulness of your heart and pray to God to sanctify you and fill your heart with his love.

Family love.

I would have us note here that the command is for women to love “their husbands and children.” God has designed women to be directed toward family love. God redeems women to love their families.

You have love for something. Where is yours directed? To yourself? Your career? The world? Money? Physical beauty? Our sinful hearts are naturally inclined to pursue what God has not called us to pursue. Part of what it means to be sanctified is to have our affections redirected to those things that God has created us for.

No Contingency Clause

I would also have you notice that this command includes to no contingency clause, no qualifications. Paul does not say that women should love their husbands and children “only as much as they deserve to be loved” or “if they are doing their part in return.”

Paul says nothing about what your husband and children deserve. That is because, once again, our love for one another is based on God’s love for us in Jesus Christ.

Christian love in marriage and family is not based upon the Law. Law-based love is giving to one another what we deserve. It says, “If you do what I want and keep your end of the bargain, then I will love you.”

Christian love in marriage and family is based on the Gospel. In the Gospel, God shows us tender compassion, grace and mercy freely. God loves us even though that is the last things that we deserve. Gospel-driven love says, “Even though you are a sinner, who daily offends me—I will love you as God has loved me in Jesus Christ.”

2) …to be self-controlled

This refers to being “prudent and thoughtful” in respect to how you live. This means subduing our own lives and exercising dominion over them. This is an outworking of the Gospel. Paul says in verse 11 that “the grace of God has appeared…training us…to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in the present age, waiting for” the appearing of Christ.

The Christian life is lived in preparation for the return of Jesus Christ. This means applying his thoughts, which is biblical wisdom, to our speech, our eating, our sleep, our actions, and our relationships.

A woman who is self-controlled is one who has learned not to be loud, boisterous, domineering, manipulative, pouting, nagging and controlling. She does not blurt out her every opinion, thought and piece of advice without first stopping to think of how it may reflect on her Savior. She does not pout or nag when things do not go her way.

She is not a slave to sleep, television, food, the scale, the fashion magazines or the opinions of others. She has learned the liberating strength of submission to her master, Jesus Christ.

3) …to be pure

To be pure means to have moral sense. It means to know the difference between right and wrong and to live in a way that pleases God.

It is applying the Gospel to our lives, the fruit of believing the Gospel. This is what Paul will speak of later in the chapter, verses 11-14, where he says that the grace of God in the Gospel trains us to “renounce ungodliness and worldly passions.” Jesus Christ redeemed us “from all lawlessness” to purify us to be a people “zealous for good works.”

We live in an age when purity is not valued amongst men or women. It is a strange phenomenon: We live in the age when women have supposedly been “liberated” and “enlightened” from the old-fashioned views and purity scruples. They are encouraged to pursue their own pleasures and to do whatever makes them happy. Women are encouraged to use men sexually, to dress immodestly, and to be self-centered divas.

Such impurity is not an option for the Christian woman. She now belongs to her master, Jesus Christ. Her sex life is purified within the confines of marriage. She does not a flirt with or fantasize about other men. Her mind and body belong to her husband alone.

She does not adorn her body with suggestive and revealing clothing so that she might be the object of lust of men. She is purified by the Gospel so that her modesty and good works might adorn the Gospel and show the world its beauty.

Her mouth is not full of the filthy speech of gossip, slander, grumbling and complaint. It is full of the sweet words of edification, encouragement and grace.

4) …to be working at home

No doubt, this is the most controversial of any of the things that God commands in this passage. It is not popular, but that does not make it any less clear. Older women are to train the younger women “to be working at home.”

Working…

Notice something about this phrase. We would do well to note that Paul does not say that he wants the younger women merely to be at home. He says that they are to be trained to be “working at home.”

Paul does not seeing “staying at home” as the opposite of work, as “not working.” He sees it as work. Being a wife and mother is “work.” There are, too often, women who have not only chosen not to work outside the home, but they have chosen not to work at home either!

The opposite of “working at home,” in Paul’s mind, is not likely “a secular career.” That is what we tend to think that Paul is working against, because that is our culture. More likely, the opposite of working at home is probably what he warns against for younger widows in 1 Timothy 5:12:

…they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not. So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no reason for slander.”

That is not just a danger for young widows. It is a danger for married women. We can probably all think of those unfortunate examples of women who are at home and simply have too much time on their hands. They are idle. They are persistently on the phone or email, as Paul says, “Saying what they should not.” (With modern technology one does not have to go “from house to house” to be a busybody anymore.) They are persistently complaining and gossiping, stirring up trouble and meddling in business that is not theirs.

This is sad, because Paul says such women “give the adversary reason for slander”—they bring shame on the Gospel.

If their husbands were real men, they would cancel the internet, clip the phone line and get their wives to doing something godly. Unfortunately, most women who act like this do so because their husbands are passive wimps who are too afraid their wives will turn those vicious tongues on them to do anything about it.

Paul’s advice is—if you are still young enough, get a family to take care of! Have some babies! Take care of a home! If you are too old for that, then find a younger woman and teach her how to do it.

…at home.

This phrase means to see the home as your primary sphere of influence. It means to see your primary ministry as being to your husband and children.

This statement can be quite offensive, much like the gospel of Jesus Christ. One of the things that our culture has convinced the modern woman of is that she cannot be successful, complete, or fulfilled unless she is working outside the home. The life that is spent in the tireless service of others without a paycheck (much like Jesus’ earthly ministry) is a life that has been wasted. The life that is spent serving oneself in search of promotions and pay is a life that has been well-used.

The temptation in the Garden of Eden was the beginning of feminism. The serpent called Eve to pursue what seemed good to her. After all, she saw that the tree was (Genesis 3:6) “good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise.” She pursued want the serpent told her would be fulfilling and rewarding.

Fulfillment does not come through pursuing what we think will fulfill us. Fulfillment comes through fulfilling the purpose for which we have been created. Woman was created as a helper.

God has intended that the primary sphere of influence for a woman be her home—her husband and children. This is not to say it is always wrong to have a job outside the home. There may be some instances when this is unavoidable. There are times when, children have not yet come or have grown and are more independent, that such work will be an option. But we should make sure that our biblical commitments are first fulfilled.

God created the woman to be a helper, a nurturer, a sustainer. If there is no helper, everyone else suffers. Husbands need a wife. That is why God created the first woman.

Children need a mother. The old proverb says, “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.” When women choose not to devote themselves to raising their children, they are forfeiting what may be the greatest position of world-influence that there is. You cannot find a more influential position than that of mother.

5) …to be kind

This word for “kind” (or, good) is found in Acts 9:36, where we meet Tabitha, who was “full of good works and acts of charity.” It refers to benevolence—loving action that aims at the good of others.

Kindness is the sincere desire for other people to be happy. Such desire results in actions to bring that happiness about. It is shown in treating others well, working for their good.

Why does the command to be “kind” come immediately after “working at home”? Naturally, it is because husbands and children are sinners.

Are you a wife and mother who is kind? Is the attitude of your heart one that desires the happiness and good of your husband and children, so that your actions pursue such an end. Or, are you bent on making them miserable because he failed to be Prince Charming and they aren’t Brady Bunch obedient?

Do you walk around perpetually upset and angry about what hasn’t gone your way? When your husband comes home in the evening, does he have reason to believe you may have spent the afternoon sucking on lemons and green persimmons?

Do you pursue the happiness and the good of your family? Or, do you use guilt and intimidation to manipulate situations according to your will?

Are you harboring and acting out of self-serving, self-pitying bitterness? Or, do you model the meek and gentle kindness of Jesus Christ shown to us in the Gospel?

6) …to be submissive to their own husbands

God made men and women equal but different. There is no inferiority between men and women, but there is an order between them. When God designed Adam and Eve, he established an order for the marriage relationship. He assigned Adam with certain responsibilities and then created Eve as his helper in carrying out those responsibilities. So, they are both responsible for carrying out that purpose, but responsible in different ways. Adam is primarily responsible for seeing that the task is done. Eve is responsible for helping Adam and following his leadership in doing so.

Ephesians explains that marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. You can’t be a picture of Christ and the church if one of the characters are out “doing their own thing.” If husbands are too proud and lazy to be kind and loving sacrificial servant leaders, then the picture doesn’t work. A self-centered or weak or abusive or unfaithful husband presents a picture of a self-centered or weak or abusive or unfaithful Jesus Christ—a false gospel is presented.

Husbands as leaders should be like Jesus and lay down their lives for the good of their brides. They should listen to their wives as Christ listens to our prayers. They should seek only the good of their wives as Christ seeks only the good of his church.

Likewise, if the wife is too proud and self-centered to model a loving, obedient church, then a false gospel is presented. A self-centered, self-pursuing, disobedient, dishonoring wife sends the message that the church should be self-centered, self-pursuing, disobedient and dishonoring to Christ.

Carolyn Mahaney, in her article “Femininity” in Biblical Womanhood in Home, writes “This doesn’t mean that we allow men to lead us into sin or away from God’s priorities in our lives. But it means that we are inclined to affirm the leadership and initiative of the men around us.” But, she continues:

Wives, in light of the Lord’s instructions to us, we have to ask ourselves the hard questions on a regular basis: Do I care for my home in a way that helps my husband or serves me? Do I manage my time in a manner that assists my husband or serves my own agenda? Does the way I serve others support my husband or promote me? Do I ask for my husband’s input before committing myself to a plan? Am I oriented to him and the work to which God has called him? We honor the Lord when we minister to our husbands in ways that enhance our God-given roles as companions and helpers.

The Reason.

We have seen six commands that Paul says the older women are to teach the younger women to obey. What is our motivation to be in this? What is our goal? What is driving Paul to write these things, as controversial and counter-cultural as they may be?

Why is it that the young woman are to be trained to live such lives? Paul ends this string of commands with this simple reason: “that the word of God may not be reviled.”

The “word of God,” I believe, refers specifically to the word of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Paul’s goal in all of this is the glory of God in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

If you have been paying attention, you will have noticed that in describing each of these six callings, I have taken us back to what we see in the Gospel.

There is nothing more precious to a Christian than the message of the Gospel. It is the grace of God by which we are saved. The Gospel is this, as Paul writes in verse 14, that Jesus Christ “gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works.”

Jesus Christ “gave himself for us.” That is, we are sinners who have offended God, disobeyed his commandments and exchanged his glory for something less. We deserve only the wrath of God in hell. Yet, “Christ gave himself for us to redeem us.” He did not treat us as we deserve. Rather, he took the penalty that we deserved upon himself when he died on the cross. And, rising from the dead, he showed that satisfaction had been made for our sins.

When we turn from our sins in repentance and trust that Jesus paid for those sins through his death and resurrection, God forgives us, declaring us to be righteous in his sight. We are saved by God’s grace through faith. As Paul will write in chapter 3, verse 5-7:

…he saved us, not because of our works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs of eternal life.

We are made “a people for his own possession” and “heirs of eternal life.” We become the people of God, and he becomes “our God.” God promises us that he will dwell with us forever as our God. That begins with his Holy Spirit dwelling in us, purifying us and conforming us into the image of Christ. That will continue forever when Christ returns for us and we are raised to dwell in a New Heavens and New Earth with him forever.

That message then is all that matters to the Christian. It is the most important thing in the world. All our lives ought to be lived in a response of faith to that message.

Our goal is to bring glory to God by declaring and displaying the truth of the Gospel. That is what Paul appeals to when he gives his reason for all these commands.

When a Christian woman lives out these six callings, she “adorns the doctrine of God our Savior.” She displays the beauty of the Gospel. And, therefore, the “word of God may not be reviled.”

However, when a Christian woman rejects, refuses or neglects these six callings, then her life is not displaying the gospel of Jesus Christ. She presents with her actions a message that is different than she professes with her mouth. The world may then revile the Gospel because it does not see its power worked out in the one who professes it.

Christian wives, mothers, and women, what is the goal and purpose of your life? Feminism tells us to be concerned about ourselves, to pursue our fulfillment, our freedom, our significance. Scripture tells us to be concerned with displaying the glory of God in the Gospel of Jesus Christ—and to give our lives to that end.

Is your hope of happiness, meaning and fulfillment resting on the shifting sand of what the world says you should be? Or your significance, meaning and value built upon the rock solid foundation of the Gospel?

Will you, today, resolve to use the high honor of motherhood to bring honor to your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?